Shakespeare trailers
by li-flower
Summary: More like a quick and dirty, modern rendition of the plays than an actual movie trailer, this is what happens when you let a member of a college production run wild with a joke on summarizing a play. Cymbeline, Much Ado, Taming, and Richard III
1. Cymbeline

An explanation: Every spring, my residential college puts on a Shakespeare production. During my second year of being involved in "BakerShake," we did _Cymbeline_, one of Shakespeare's more obscure works. Throughout the production, there were a bunch of jokes on how you couldn't sum up the plot in less than 10 minutes and how the extremely long last act was basically the king going "WTF? Oh, now I get it." The 3-minute version of _Cymbeline _was born from all our inside jokes, and I renamed it because it reminded me of a movie trailer (and we considered using it to promote our show). The _Cymbeline _Trailer was a hit amongst the cast and the crew (though it contained too many inside jokes to be used for marketing), and so I decided to do it the next year when we performed _Much Ado About Nothing_. Eventually I'll do one for the first BakerShake production I worked in, _The Taming of the Shrew_.

A/N: This probably makes no sense to you unless you've read _Cymbeline_, and even then, some of the references may be lost. In our production, Iachimo is the Roman equivalent of Hugh Hefner; the 2nd Lord that hangs around Cloten only pretends to like hanging around him; and Caius Lucius is apparently some sort of celebrity (at least for the Messenger).

Disclaimer: The characters and plot of _Cymbeline_ (and the line "Thanks Jupiter!") belongs to William Shakespeare. The interpretation originated from the 2006 BakerShake director, Joseph "Chepe" Lockett.

* * *

**The _Cymbeline_ Trailer**

**Tech People:** Set! Props! Costumes! Lights! Sound!

**Imogen: **I love Posthumus and hate my parents.  
**Posthumus:** Gotta go babe.

**Cloten: **I'm so cool…  
**2****nd**** Lord: **…NOT!

**Romans, Playboy Bunnies, Walking Bar Joke: **Party at Philario's!  
**Iachimo: **All the chicks want a piece of this.  
**Posthumus: **Not my wife.  
**Iachimo:** Wanna bet?

**Queen: **I poison puppies. Bwahaha!

**Iachimo:** Sleaze on Imogen…oh just kidding…okay more sleazing.

**Messenger: **Oh my God, Caius Lucius!

**Cloten: **I love you.  
**Imogen: **I hate you!  
**Cloten: **Huh?

**Iachimo:** I screwed your wife.  
**Posthumus: **No you didn't…yes you did. Women suck.

**Caius: **War on Britain.

**Pisania: **Kill Imogen? Umm…oh, hi.  
**Imogen: **I get to see my hubby, yay!

**Arviragus, Guiderius**: We're cavemen who speak like princes.  
**Belarius: **Because you are princes. 

**Imogen: **You bitch!  
**Pisania: **Hey I wasn't really gonna kill you.

**Belarius (seeing Imogen in disguise):** Look a pretty boy.

**Cloten: **My name is Cloten. You have insulted me. Prepare to die.  
**Guiderius: **You die, dumbass.

**Arviragus: **Oh no, pretty boy's dead.

**Imogen: **Not really. What? A dead body that looks like Posthumus? Boo hoo hoo…  
**Caius: **Hey, wanna join the Roman army?

**Cymbeline: **What is going on around here?  
**Pisania: **Why does everybody get mad at me?

**Romans, Britons: **Aaahhhhh!!!!! (Fighting sound effects)  
**Belarius, Guiderius, Arviragus: **Don't forget about us. Aaahhhh!!! (More fighting sound effects)  
**Britons: **We win!  
**Iachimo: **I suck at life.

**Posthumus: **I suck at life more.  
**Jove: **Stop being emo.  
**All: **Thanks Jupiter!

**Cymbeline: **Bah? Ohhhh….okay. Let's party!

THE END


	2. Much Ado About Nothing

**A/N:** This year, we performed _Much Ado About Nothing_. Since the play is very dialogue-oriented and I wanted to include all the funny parts, my trailer turned out to be longer than _Cymbeline's_. In our version, we made Verges sort of Gollum-like in the way he walks, Hero rise up from her "tomb" after Claudio hangs the epitaph, and Beatrice listen in on Benedick's attempt at a sonnet.

**Disclaimer: **The plot and the characters belong to William Shakespeare, as do the lines "love gods," "for the world must be peopled," "kill Claudio," and "you are an ass." Bakershake 2007's director (and Actor from the London Stage), Matt Radford, came up with this interpretation. Finally, all the girls off-stage really did go "aww" at Don Pedro's proposal during rehearsal.

The _Much Ado About Nothing_ Trailer

**Tech People: **Set! Props! Costumes! Lights! Sound!

**Leonato: **Welcome prince, mi casa es su casa.

**Benedick: **Oh look, there's the bitch of Messina.  
**Beatrice: **And here's the asshole of the military. I hate you.  
**Benedick: **I hate you more.  
**Beatrice: **I hate you times infinity.  
**Benedick: **I hate you times infinity plus one. Ha!  
**Beatrice: **That's not possible…don't you walk away from me!

**Claudio: **Leonato's daughter is so hot!  
**Benedick: **Meh.  
**Don Pedro: **Hey, I'll get her for you.

**Don John: **Bwahahahaha. I am an evil bastard.

**Beatrice: **Boys are stupid.  
**Antonio: **Party time!

**Don John: **Let's screw with Claudio's mind.

**Claudio: **Hero doesn't like me. Woe is me!  
**Don Pedro: **Dude, stop looking like somebody stole your girl. You're going to get married.  
**Claudio & Hero: **_make googly-eyes at each other_  
**Beatrice: **Love is in the air…yet I'm still single.  
**Don Pedro: **I can fix that.  
**Female audience members: **Awww.  
**Beatrice: **Sorry but I'll have to decline.  
**Don Pedro: **That's okay. _Beatrice leaves._You know, she'd be a good match for Benedick. Time to commence Operation: Love Gods!

**Borachio: **Here's the plan. I'm going to screw Margaret in plain view and call her Hero.

**Benedick: **I can't believe Claudio has become a whipped sissy boy.  
**Balthasar:** I'm such an angsty musician.  
**Don Pedro:** Benedick is listening. You guys know the routine.  
**Leonato:** Did you hear that my niece has a crush on Benedick?  
**Claudio:** If Benedick finds out, he's going to make fun of her. _All exit except Benedick_  
**Benedick:** WTF?! I must requite her love, for the world must be peopled!

**Hero: **Now it's our turn.  
**Ursula:** Benedick has the hots for Beatrice? Like, OMG!  
**Hero:** She's too much of a crazy feminist to return his love. _All exit except Beatrice._  
**Beatrice:** No way! I must be nicer to Benedick then.

**Benedick: **Guys, I feel funny.  
**Claudio & Pedro:** He's in love! He's in love!  
**Benedick:** Shut up, you dorks. _Exits_  
**Don John: **Bro, I know you hate me, but there's something I must tell you. Hero is a 'ho.

**Dogberry: **I'm going to be obnoxiously loud and mix up my words because I can do that…for I am the great master constable Dogberry!  
**Verges:** I'm his preciousssss lackey.  
**Watch: **We're just a bunch of hicks who want to go to bed.  
**Oatcake:** I'm the smart one!  
**Borachio:** Dude, I got laid, and I am SO drunk!  
**Conrade:** First, I have to drunk-sit this idiot and hear about how he sabotaged the wedding. Then, we get arrested by umbrella-toting rednecks. Could my night get any better?

**Beatrice:** I feel like crap.  
**Margaret:** You must be sick…love-sick for Benedick. Haha, I'm good.

**Friar Francis: **Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here…this is the abridged version so I'll skip to if anybody has objections, speak up.  
**Claudio:** I'm not marrying this slut. Women suck! Oh I'm so emo!  
**Hero:** I've never slept with any man.  
**Don Pedro:** Liar, we saw you. _Hero faints.  
_**Leonato: **Then it must be true. Let me die, or better yet, let her die.  
**Friar Francis:** Hold up, something shady has gone down. Let's pretend that Hero is dead so that we can figure it all out.

**Benedick: **I know this is a bad time, but I love you. How weird is that?  
**Beatrice:** Thank God, I was about to say the same thing.  
**Benedick:** I'll do anything for you.  
**Beatrice:** Kill Claudio.  
**Benedick:** Um, no.  
**Beatrice:** Then I hate you. Men are such pansies, but I wish I were one so that I could kick that pretty boy's ass.  
**Benedick:** Calm down. I'll challenge him for you.

**Dogberry: **I want the truth!  
**The Sexton:** Stop pretending to be a lawyer. Don John ran away, and Hero died. _Exits  
_**Conrade:** You are an ass.  
**Dogberry:** Oh no you didn't just call me that! Do you know who I am? I am the great master constable Dogberry. Everybody, remember that I am an ass!

**Antonio:** We're going to beat you whippersnappers into shape.  
**Don Pedro:** I won't be responsible for giving you and your brother aneurysms so go away.  
**Borachio:** Oh prince, it's all my fault.  
**Claudio:** Damn, I royally screwed up.  
**Leonato: **Yes you did, but you can make up for it.

**Margaret: **Oooh Benedick, write me a sonnet. Or better yet, sleep with me.  
**Benedick:** No thanks. _Margaret exits in a huff. _I can't sing or rhyme.  
**Beatrice: **You get an "A" for effort. _Benedick tries to kiss her._ Hey now, I said an "A," not a kiss.  
**Benedick:** So what is it about me that you find irresistible?  
**Beatrice:** Why did **you** fall in love with **me**?  
**Benedick:** Actually it was against my own will.  
**Beatrice:** Then I'll stop loving you. Problem solved.  
**Benedick:** We're just not cut out to be romantics.

**Claudio: **Here lies the innocent Hero, killed by lies of gullible idiots. _Exits. Hero rises up from the dead like a zombie.  
_**Friar Francis: **Told you so, Leonato.

**Claudio: **Can I see her face before I marry her?  
**Leonato:** No.  
**Claudio:** Well okay. I take you as my wife.  
**Hero:** _She unveils herself. _Surprise! I'm not dead yet and still a virgin… though not for long now that I'm married. Finally.  
**Benedick: **Um, which one's Beatrice?  
**Beatrice:** What? You can't even recognize your girlfriend while she's veiled? Maybe we should just be friends.  
**Benedick:** I'd agree if I didn't want to break your heart. The guys swore you were crazy for me.  
**Beatrice:** The girls said that you'd die without my love.  
**Claudio:** Oh what's this? One of Benedick's pathetic attempts at writing a poem for Beatrice?  
**Hero:** And here's a love letter from my cousin to Benedick.  
**Benedick:** We've been found out. I'll marry you out of pity.  
**Beatrice:** I guess I'm forced to accept under great persuasion.  
**Benedick: **Oh shut up. _He kisses her._ You know Claudio, it's a good thing I'm more of a lover than a fighter or I would've kicked your ass today. Now let's party!

THE END


	3. The Taming of the Shrew

**A/N: **_The Taming of the Shrew _was the first Shakespeare play I worked on (as a Prop Mistress). Since it is a BakerShake production, I thought I'd write up a trailer for it as well. So here it is, 3 years overdue. Just a note on interpretation: our version had a very feminist ending that I totally support, in which Kate and Petruchio become partners in crime and she's mainly pretending. There was also a notable scene with Hortensio using the lute in a very obscene manner.

**Disclaimer: **_The Taming of the Shrew _is the work of William Shakespeare. The interpretation on which the following piece is based comes from Shakespeare professor, Dr. Meredith Skura, and BakerShake 2004's director, Joseph "Chepe" Lockett.

* * *

_The_ _Taming of the Shrew_ Trailer

**Tech People:** Set! Props! Costumes! Lights! Sound!

**Lucentio: **I'm studying abroad in Padua.  
**Tranio: **More like partying. Hey look, people. Let's eavesdrop.  
**Baptista: **Do not come near Bianca until her older sister is married.  
**Gremio: **That's going to be when pigs fly.  
**Katharina: **You want an ass-kicking, old man?  
**Baptista: **Kate, be nice, like your sister.  
**Lucentio: **I think I'm in love.

**Grumio: **Servant abuse!  
**Hortensio:** Hey ol' buddy, I wanna marry this hot chick but can't until her shrewish older sister is married. They're loaded so you interested?  
**Petruchio:** Hell yes.

**Bianca: **Sis, I didn't know you were into bondage.  
**Katharina: **Shut up, skank! (_Slaps her.)  
_**Bianca: **Daaddddyyy!!! Waaahhh!!  
**Baptista:** Don't hit your sister!

**Petruchio:** I am here to woo Katharina, and I have brought a music teacher.  
**Hortensio:** It's really me in disguise.  
**Gremio:** Well, I have a tutor who's smart.  
**Lucentio:** It's me in Tranio's clothes. (_Exit Hortensio and Lucentio.)  
_**Tranio:** I get to spend my master's money and pretend to be in love with a hot girl. Life is good.  
**Baptista:** You're kind of weird. _(Enter Hortensio with the lute around his head.) _What happened to you?  
**Hortensio:** Your oldest daughter would make a good rock star. She's got the instrument smashing down. Why is the room still spinning?  
**Petruchio:** A feisty one! I look forward to "talking" with her.  
**Baptista:** We'll leave you two alone then.

**Petruchio: **Hey, hot stuff.  
**Katharina:** Who's this asshole?  
**Petruchio:** Such a polite and charming young lady. I am here to whisk you off your feet and marry you. No ifs, ands, or buts.

**Lucentio: **I suck at Latin. I'm only here because I'm in love with you.  
**Bianca:** I don't even know you, but you're kind of cute.  
**Hortensio:** You know, Bianca, I can teach you how to play another instrument.  
**Bianca:** Eeewww, stop making obscene gestures with your lute.

**Katharina: **I'm going to kill that bastard if he jilts me!  
**Biondello:** He's coming! And I'll describe what he has on in detail.  
**Baptista:** Oh good, the groom is finally here.  
**Biondello:** No he's not. He** will** be here, on his horse.  
**Baptista:** Semantics. (_Enter Petruchio.)  
_**Tranio: **What the hell are you wearing? I'm sure there's a dress code.  
**Petruchio: **Looks don't matter. It's what's on the inside that's counts.

**Gremio: **What a craaaaazy wedding! I actually feel sorry for the girl.

**Petruchio:** Sorry but we're off to the honeymoon!  
**Katharina:** Please, let's stay for some of the reception.  
**Petruchio:** Nope, good-bye.  
**Baptista: **Wow. Just wow.

**Grumio: **Brrrrr, it's cold.  
**Curtis:** Tell me what happened.  
**Petruchio:** Where are my servants?! _(Servants rush in.)_ Take off my boots. Bring me water. Quick, quick! The food sucks. Is there anybody competent around here?  
**Katharina:** You should treat your servants better.  
**Petruchio:** Better you say? Well, we'll save them some work and go straight to bed. Man, being a jerk is tiring.

**Hortensio: **Your fiancée is a slut.  
**Tranio:** No way, she only loves me. (S_ees Lucentio and Bianca making out.) _Oh my eyes! I can't marry a woman who does that in the open with another man.  
**Hortensio:** I'm going for older, richer women these days._  
_**Lucentio:** I've got the girl, yay!  
**Tranio:** Not yet, but I've got a plan.

**Katharina: **So…hungry…  
**Grumio:** Want a bite? Too bad, you can't.  
**Petruchio:** My wife can't wear these crappy clothes.  
**Tailor:** Excusez-moi? I'll have you know that I am known as the next John Galliano and Jean-Paul Gaultier.  
**Petruchio:** Here's what I think: you can just shove that yard stick up…  
**Hortensio:** Dude, chill out.  
**Petruchio:** C'mon let's go. If we head out now, we'll make it in time for lunch.  
**Katharina:** What are you talking about? We'll be lucky to get there by dinner.  
**Petruchio:** Changed my mind. We're leaving tomorrow.

**Pedant: **I am Vincentio, Lucentio's father.  
**Tranio:** I have trained him well.  
**Biondello:** I'm confused.  
**Baptista: **Now that we have parental consent, Lucentio can marry Bianca.

**Petruchio: **I'm going to pretend that the moon is out and this old man is a young lady.  
**Katharina:** I'm playing along.  
**Hortensio:** Finally, we're going somewhere!  
**Vincentio:** These people are strange but nice.

**Lucentio and Bianca: **We're getting married!

**Vincentio:** What the hell is going on?! Where's my son?  
**Baptista:** Crazy man on the streets! Somebody call the cops.  
**Gremio:** Wait, that's the real Vincentio.  
**Lucentio: **Let me explain: I did it all out of love.  
**Baptista:** So who did my daughter marry?  
**Tranio:** Crap, I gotta skip town now.  
**Petruchio: **Kiss me, Kate.  
**Katharina:** You know I don't like PDA, but alright.

**Lucentio: **Here's to everybody hooking up, except Gremio.  
**Petruchio:**Wanna bet who can summon his wife the fastest?  
**Lucentio: **I'll take you up on that.  
**Hortensio:** Prepare to lose.  
**Baptista:** I'll add a ton of money to the pot.  
**Biondello:** Bianca says she's too busy, and Hortensio's wife tells him to get **his** ass in **there**.  
**Katharina:** You called, honey?  
**Petruchio:** Yeah, bring your sister and the widow here, and get rid of that tacky hat while you're at it. _(Katharina leaves and comes back dragging Bianca and Widow.) _I win!  
**Katharina:** I'm going to make a speech about obeying your husband so that we can get all the money. I love seeing their shocked faces.  
**Petruchio:** I do too. So long, losers. I'm going to spend some quality time with my awesome wife.

THE END


	4. Richard III

**A/N 1: **I've got a lot of explaining to do with this one because our director (and my former roommate), Katy Mulvaney, definitely took creative liberties. For starters, the play takes place on multiple timelines. Some characters, like Lady Anne and Edward IV, have a very traditional mindset so they're stuck in the medieval, Elizabethan, or Victorian eras. Others, like Richard and Buckingham (who has been made a kickass woman), are very forward thinking and thus modern. BakerShake is always short of male actors so in addition to Ratcliff and Buckingham getting a gender switch, characters have been merged. For example, Brackenbury is the Second Murderer. Sometimes our actors have to play more than one character and don't have obvious costume changes so we've given one character an accent (this is why Tyrell is Irish and Blunt is French). Perhaps the biggest thing to note is that Ratcliff becomes the primary assassin. She's this creepy Angel of Death figure who lurks around and delivers death. Finally, yes, we have a pit. Katy had the idea before she knew about _300_.

**A/N 2: **Shameless self-promotion time! Baker Shakespeare '08 is performing _Richard III _on March 13-15, 20-22 at Rice University. Google BakerShake to get to our site. Anyway, since I'm graduating, this is the last of the trailers (for now). Enjoy! -- Hana Li

**Disclaimer: **_Richard III _and _Henry VI, Part 3 _(which is referenced in the beginning) are the works of William Shakespeare. The interpretation and stage directions belong to Katy Mulvaney. I want to also recognize the writers of the following films for providing quotes I bastardize: _Kill Bill, The Sixth, Sense, The Princess Bride, _and _300. _Lastly, props to Jeremiah Bolinsky for coming up with his Princess Bride line.

* * *

The _Richard III _Trailer

**Tech People:** Set! Props! Costumes! Lights! Sound!

**Lancasters: **The crown is ours!  
**Yorks: **No, it's ours! (_They fight with swords.)  
_**Richard:** _(rising out of a pit) _Bwahahaha, I've got a gun. (_shoots Prince Edward and Henry VI)_

**Clarence: **I've been arrested on the account of my name being George.

**Richard:** Death List Four: Edward of Lancaster, Henry VI, George, and Edward IV.

**Lady Anne: **You killed my father and my husband.  
**Richard:** I did it out of love.  
**Lady Anne:** Go to Hell!  
**Richard:** Not before I marry you.  
**Lady Anne:** Well, okay.

**Queen Margaret: **Gullible fools, one day, you will all die or suffer miserably. Just you wait.  
**Richard:** Aren't you supposed to be banished?  
**Everybody else:** Crazy old loon.

**Brackenbury: **I'm not so sure about this murder thing.  
**Ratcliff:** Dude, you're being paid.  
**Brackenbury:** Oh yeah. C'mon let's go.  
**Clarence:**You don't want to kill me.  
**Ratcliff:** Your Jedi mind tricks won't work on me. (_strangles him and drowns him in wine)_

**Edward IV: **Let's spread the love, but wait, I accidentally had my brother executed. I don't feel so good.

**Queen Elizabeth: **My husband has died. Woe is me!  
**Duchess of York:** My good sons are dead. Woe times two!  
**Buckingham:** Sorry to break up Emo Fest, but we've got business to take care of.

**Messenger: **Dorset, Rivers, and Grey are on death row.  
**Queen Elizabeth:** My family's screwed.

**Richard: **Come to the Tower, kids. It's a lot of fun.  
**Young York:** But it's haunted.  
**Young Edward:** I ain't afraid of no ghosts.

**Hastings: **Crap, I almost got caught in the act. Yo Catesby!  
**Catesby: **Hey Hastings! Lords are dropping like flies.  
**Derby:** Things aren't lookin' too good…Hey, where's my wife?

**Grey: **Margaret three, us zero.  
**Dorset: **We fail.  
**Rivers: **Hey guys, did I ever tell you how much I love you? (_Ratcliff slits their throats.)_

**Richard: **Off with his head!  
**Hastings: **Looks like I'm a goner too. (_Ratcliff beheads him.)_

**Lord Mayor: **Y'all are scary people so I'll do whatever you want.

**Buckingham: **Take one for the team. You should be king.  
**Richard:** But I don't want to.  
**Buckingham:** Seriously dude. We'll find some random guy to take the throne if you don't.  
**Lord Mayor:** Please, not some random guy.  
**Richard:** Oh, all right….Hahaha, reverse psychology gets them every time.

**Brakenbury: **You cannot pass.  
**Derby:** Yo Lady Anne, you gotta go be queen.  
**Queen Elizabeth:** WTF?!  
**Lady Anne:** Sucks to be me.  
**Duchess of York:** I'm gonna go die now…not really.

**Buckingham: **Hey, remember back then, when you said you'd make me an earl…  
**Richard:** Not now. I've got more killing to do. Where's my assassin?  
**Tyrrel:** Top o' the mornin' to ya!  
**Buckingham:** I've been shafted. Richmond is my new best friend.

**Ratcliff: **Oooh, happy fun time for me! (_shoots Lady Anne and snaps the neck of the princes)_

**Queen Elizabeth: **Oh no, my babies!  
**Queen Margaret:** Told you so, but no, you didn't listen to the pissed off old lady.  
**Queen Elizabeth:** Teach me how to curse.

**Duchess of York: **You know that thing called motherly love? Never had any for you.  
**Richard:** Lalala, I'm not listening.  
**Duchess of York:** Well too bad. Either you're gonna die or I will. No matter what, you'll be the loser.

**Richard:** You know that daughter of yours? She's pretty hot.  
**Queen Elizabeth:** Eeeww, no incest, please.  
**Richard:** If you know what's good for her, you'll let her marry me.

**Richard: **Where are my minions?  
**Catesby and Ratcliff:** Reporting for duty, sir.  
**Derby:** Richmond is coming. I'll help out.  
**Richard:** Okay, but leave your son here as collateral.

**Derby:** I'm switching sides. Will you tell Richmond that Richard plans on marrying Elizabeth's daughter?  
**Blunt:** Oui, monsieur.

**Buckingham:** Man, Margaret is pwning us. _(Ratcliff beheads her.)_

**Richard: **Big day tomorrow, gotta have my beauty sleep.  
**Richmond: **Now lay me down to sleep…everybody knows this and I'm tired so good night.  
**Ghosts:**Despair and die!! Go Richmond!!  
**Queens:** Where are my children?!  
**Ratcliff:** Time to die. (_starts strangling Richard, who suddenly wakes up)  
_**Richard: **I see dead people.  
**Ratcliff:** It was all just a dream.  
**Richmond: (**_waking up)_ I had the weirdest dream. Dead people were talking to me…

**Richard:** War speech time. I'm so much cooler than this punk.  
**Richmond:** I'm going to kick Richard's ass. Now who's with me?

**Richard: **Derby screwed me over. Dead baby time! (_Ratcliff drops George Stanley into pit.)_

**Ghosts:** Oooh…oooh… (_wave arms and surround Richard)  
_**Richard: **A horse, a horse! My kingdom for a horse!  
**Richmond: **My name is Richmond. You killed my brother. Despair and die! (_Duel. Ratcliff comes in pointing gun at Richmond but then turns to strike Richard.)  
_**Richard:**This is blasphemy! This is madness!  
**Richmond:** Madness? This…is…England!!!! (_stabs and kicks Richard into the pit. Richard drags Ratcliff.)_

**Queen Margaret: **Well, now that the fighting's over, it's time for a wedding. Richmond, young Elizabeth, I pronounce you husband and wife.  
**Richmond: **I get the girl and the crown. There's peace in England. Life is good.  
**Ratcliff: **_(rising out of pit_) I'm baaaaack!

THE END


End file.
